How Intergenerational Care in the Philippines Shapes Responsibility, Values, and Emotional Growth

In many Filipino homes, grandparents care for the children so parents can work or go abroad. This helps families and keeps children with loving adults instead of strangers, but it also comes with problems.  

Why grandparents care:

  • Parents work long hours or leave the country.

  • Childcare costs too much.

  • Family tradition says elders help.

Benefits:

  • Children get steady care and love.

  • Families save money on childcare.

  • Grandparents pass on culture and stories.

Main problems:

  1. Kids learn responsibility very slowly
    When grandparents do many tasks (feed, dress, tie shoes, pack bags), children do not practice doing things alone. They do fewer chores and learn less planning.
    Example: A child always gets carried to school. They never learn to wake up, get dressed, or be on time.

  2. Spoiled and dependent children
    Grandparents often give extra treats and do chores to show love. This can teach kids to expect others to do things for them. They may cry or demand rather than try.
    Example: A child cries for snacks and gets them. The child learns crying works better than asking nicely.

  3. Old, strict ideas & toxic views passed on
    Grandparents teach the rules they grew up with: obey elders, clear gender roles, or not to talk about certain topics. Some rules can help, but many do not fit modern life or work.
    Example: A girl told not to play outside as she will get ugly dark skin will feel conscious and think being white is superior. A boy told to never show feelings may struggle with friends or partners.

  4. Poor emotional skills and hiding feelings
    If elders say “don’t make a fuss” or “stop being dramatic,” children keep quiet and hide problems. They do not learn to name feelings, ask for help, or solve personal problems. This makes relationships and work much harder.
    Example: A teen anxious about tests is told to be quiet. They do not learn to ask for help or calm down.

  5. Parents do not learn to parent or adult well
    When grandparents do daily care, parents miss learning basic skills: cooking, cleaning, teaching/calming a child, handling money/bills, or planning events. This keeps parents less able to run a home or support their kids.
    Example: A young parent cannot prepare healthy meals, soothe a sick child or remember to pay bills on time because they never had to do it.

Long-term risks

  • Children may rely on others and struggle in school or work.

  • Young adults may lack life skills and emotional honesty.

  • The next generation may repeat the same patterns.

Conclusion

Grandparents caring for grandchildren is loving and useful. But it can slow children’s and grandchildren’s development, teach old fashions backward negative ideas that do not fit today, and keep parents from learning to be adults. 



Short, practical fixes (simple)

  • Give kids small chores early (pack bag, set table).

  • Parents spend focused time with kids on weekends.

  • Teach feelings with simple words (happy, sad, angry).

  • Grandparents slowly let children try tasks alone.

  • Community help: affordable daycare, parent classes, work-hour rules.

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